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Three friends from the local congregation were asked, "When you're in your casket,
and friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what would you like
them to say?"
Artie said: "I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine spiritual leader,
and a great family man."
Eugene commented: "I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and servant
of God who made a huge difference in people's lives."
Al said: "I'd like them to say, "Look, he's moving!"
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Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God.
Looking up, he asks the Lord... "God, what does a million years mean to you?"
The Lord replies, "A minute."
Smith asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?"
The Lord replies, "A penny."
Smith asks, "Can I have a penny?"
The Lord replies, "In a minute."
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A man goes to a shrink and says, "Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening,
she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men. In fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks
her! I'm going crazy. What do you think I should do?"
"Relax," says the Doctor, "take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, exactly
where is Larry's bar?"
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John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully.
"Give me one last request, dear," he said.
"Of course, John," his wife said softly.
"Six months after I die," he said, "I want you to marry Bob."
"But I thought you hated Bob," she said.
With his last breath John said, "I do!"
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A man goes to see the Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is happening and
I have to talk to you about it."
The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?"
The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me."
The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?"
The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me, what should I do?"
The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to
her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know."
A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "Well, I spoke to your wife. I
spoke to her on the phone for three hours.
You want my advice?"
The man said yes and the Rabbi replied,
"Take the poison." |
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